FIVE REASONS WHY YOU WASTE TIME DOING THINGS THAT ARE NOT IMPORTANT OR URGENT
Be honest. How many hours in the day do you spend doing things which are not important to you? Maybe these things stem from responsibilities, such as your job, clearing up after your family, or running errands. Then there's the time you spend on social media and watching Netflix. Wait. What? It’s just me? I don’t think so! So, here's a question for you. Are you spending more time doing these things than you'd like to? If so, do you know why?
In this article, I will show you how psychology can help. I’ll explain 5 common – but not always talked about – reasons why you do it. This will help you to start changing some habits – and freeing up your time. How great would that be? Dig in!
1. Defence mechanisms
In psychoanalytic theory, Freud uses the term defence mechanisms to explain the way we behave sometimes when we feel anxious. For example, if we feel overwhelmed by the mountain of tasks we have to get through, we can easily find ourselves scrolling through the internet, texting a friend or sneaking an episode on Netflix. Am I right? Or, we waste time doing inessential but more pleasant work-related tasks, for example, creating pretty graphics for our business.
At home, we might start cleaning out the fridge or doing some DIY because we can't face doing our tax return. This is an example of ‘displacement’. Instead of doing the things we need to, we focus our energy and attention – in other words we displace it – onto other things. Often, there is an element of denial here too. Freud used this term in very much the way we do in common usage. When we cannot face something, we simply deny its existence, reality and our necessity, and act as if it doesn't exist.
Freud said we use defence mechanisms to defend our mind against anxiety, and there’s no doubt they can be extremely effective, and this is why we do it. It does enable us to avoid the things we don't want to do, literally, and psychologically. However, defence mechanisms do not magically make all our anxieties disappear. Freud argued that whatever we repress (into our unconscious) continues to motivate our feelings and behaviour, just not in a way we are consciously aware of.
Do you recognise this? The solution here is to tune into the nagging feelings & thoughts you get when you know that you are trying to avoid something, as these often come from your unconscious. Next, you can reflect on what might be making you anxious.
2. Fear of failure and/or negative feedback
Think about a job application. If it's a position that you would really like, you're invested in the outcome because you're already thinking about the benefits. Right? Unless the hiring is a done deal, your application could be successful … and it could fail. It doesn't really matter what the odds are. What matters is how much you want the job, and what getting it would signify for you.
For example, you may already be thinking about the ways in which the job will change your life. Perhaps it will mean better pay, hours, working conditions. Maybe you’re imagining the holiday or the extension or paying off your credit card bill. Alternatively, it could be that something about the interview and recruitment process signifies success for you. For example, perhaps being invited for an interview confirms that you have developed specific skills, experience, authority, and are seen as a desirable candidate? If the field of applicants is strong, that in itself can feel validating, because you have been selected over them. If you are offered the job, it's a double whammy. You've got the position and confirmation of your skills. But what if you apply for the position and don't hear anything?
Alternatively, it could be that you apply and get offered an interview, but get no further. What if the interviewers tell you you're not right for the role when you think you'd be perfect? What if they appoint a candidate who you think has less to offer than you? Can you see how, in this situation, it can be very tempting not to take action in order to protect yourself from potentially disappointing feedback? This is easier to visualise in the example I've given but, if you think about it, the principle is the same with many tasks you put off. Let's look at the tax return. What negative feedback might you fear in doing your bookkeeping, completing your form and submitting it? Perhaps you're not good at bookkeeping? Perhaps you don't know how to calculate your allowances? Perhaps you're scared of finding out how much money you've been wasting and how little capital you have left?
When you are aware of putting off something important, a useful strategy is to gently ask yourself what you're scared of. What potential outcome is making you feel anxious? The keyword here is ‘potential’. If you are acting as if that potential outcome is either a foregone conclusion or has already happened, you are projecting into the future. So, you can ask yourself, is it definite that this will happen or am I creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?
3. You’ve learnt this as a coping strategy
A ‘learned behaviour’ is literally something we have learnt. These occur in all areas of our life. So, what exactly is a learned behaviour?
One of the main ways we learn is via what behaviourism calls ‘operant conditioning’. Decades of research shows that behaviour that is ‘positively reinforced’ (rewarded) gets repeated. A reward is either an outcome which is obviously desirable or one which is indirectly desirable, for example, the reward for tidying the house means is it’s easier to find things and less stressful when searching. However, another type of reward (called ‘negative reinforcement’) occurs because we have avoided a negative outcome. So, by completing our tax return, we avoid penalties and threatening letters. For decades now, studies have shown that - to learn - we don't need to think about what we are doing and why. Literally, getting a pay-off is enough to motivate us to keep performing that behaviour. Isn’t it fascinating?
Behaviourism tells us that inaction also has payoffs, and this applies to our avoidance behaviours. The solution here is to identify the payoffs for not doing things that are important and urgent.
Another way we learn is via ‘social learning theory’. This says that we initially learn from the observation of others’ behaviour (rather than from the outcomes of our own behaviour). When we see someone we identify with or look up to, behaving in a certain way and getting rewarded for, we model (imitate) the behaviour in the hope that we will achieve the same benefits. If we do, this then motivates us to habitually repeat what we've seen.
In social learning theory, like behaviourism, there is also very little role for thinking about what we are doing. It is literally enough for us to see someone else getting rewarded for something they do to make you imitate it. The key factor is who the person is and how we perceive them. So, if you find yourself struggling with this, the questions to ask yourself are, Who have I seen putting off important and urgent tasks, and, How did it seem beneficial?
4. Hoping it will get done by itself – or by someone else!
This might sound irrational, but it is a very common attitude, and it has a logic of its own. Rather than taking action ourselves, we don't do anything at all. We keep making excuses. We might pretend to ourselves that we think things will magically sort themselves out, but really, we don't believe this to be true. What we are actually hoping is that someone else will come along and rescue us by taking action or responsibility on your behalf. Sound familiar?
It’s worth considering that the more negative emotion there is around the thing that we need to do, the more likely we are to behave in this way. For example, when we don't know what to do or don't know what to say. Or when we doubt we have the skills, knowledge and experience to do what is required, or are worried about the consequences of doing the wrong thing. It can mean we wait for someone else to take the decision out of our hands so that we don't have to worry about it or the potential consequences.
The stances described above are passive, so if you identify with these descriptions, it’s worth bearing in mind that you are effectively absolving yourself of responsibility for your life and are not taking control. As with all defence mechanisms, these combined strategies can help you to feel less anxious in some ways. However, it often doesn't take care of the important or urgent thing that you need to attend to, and you are likely to continue to feel anxious below the level of your conscious awareness. Furthermore, it does not always result in a good outcome if someone else takes an action or decision on your behalf – because it might be something you don't want or agree with.
Here, it can help to ask yourself what you are scared of. It can also help to remind yourself that if things are taken out of your control, you might not like it and, if you've abdicated responsibility, you'll have less grounds to complain.
5. Fear of change
When you have to complete something like a job application, or your tax return, or draft an important document, it can be hard to believe that fear can be what drives our avoidance. But fear can take many forms. It isn't that you are literally scared of the tax return jumping up and biting you, or the document leaping through your laptop screen. It can be that you know it involves hard work and concentration. You might dread doing it because you are tired or preoccupied, or maybe you resent having to do what’s required. This isn’t about change though.
If you have a lot riding on the outcome of an action, fear is often the culprit, especially when the action might bring change. In fact, fear of change is one of the key drivers of avoidance behaviours. This is why we use the expression ‘better the devil you know’, because the ‘known’ maybe unpleasant but the ‘unknown’ could be even worse. Eek! Sometimes, it’s success we are scared of – because that, too, is likely to bring change and raises doubts about whether you’re up to it.
Evolutionary psychology describes avoidance behaviour as an ‘adaptive’ response because it keeps us alive. The contemporary equivalent (because evolutionary theories are based on more primitive needs) is not taking action when we fear change because we want to be safe psychologically. Even when we are unfulfilled and unhappy, we can refuse to take action on things which are important and urgent because we are scared of the change they may involve.
Where fears are immense, and real, professional input may be best, but it’s worth asking yourself what you are scared of happening. What part of the change bothers you and what is the worst that can happen? Is the ‘worst’ really that awful?
If you would like to find out more about what motivates your behaviour, and how you can use your values and priorities to create the life you want, I currently have a FREE course which is getting great feedback and helping people a lot. You can find it on my website, www.vickynewham.com/workwithme